Christmas Day
On Christmas morning I was awoken by my little brother (Connor), who was so excited that he looked as if he could run the mile and could still have the energy to annoy me. Of course we had to wait for our parents, because well lets face it it’s not fun when you don’t get to see your parents smiling faces as you open your Christmas presents that they got you. Normally it would be Connor to go first to open his first present and it turned out to be Transformers changing action figures. Then it would be me and I opened up a digital camera and the process went like that until all of the presents were unwrapped at least until Connor said that he was hungry. After breakfast my brother went to play with his toys and I was left to test my new ihome (a radio that I can play my ipod music). That morning was a very good one for me and my family, because we were able to spend time together.
During that afternoon I was testing out my new camera, it actually worked pretty well since it was brand new. Right around two or three o’clock our brother Ryan (second eldest brother in our family) shows up at our house because, he wasn’t doing anything during Christmas. Things were pretty quite when both of my brothers where playing Wii (a game system) and then all of a sudden our eldest brother Benjamin turns up with a friend of his. A lot happened that afternoon but I guess you could say that it was a good one because, for one I had a part of my family visit and to top it all of it was my brothers since I don’t see them much.
One of the presents that I did get this Christmas was actually for me and my little brother and that present is a telescope. Some part of that night we took it out and look out at the stars, but the only thing we could see is the moon like we were seeing it from a space shuttle in outer space. Everybody has different point of view of what they would have for Christmas dinner, for me it’s a nice hot bowl of my stepfathers red chili that will warm you up fast. That night I did what I did best and that’s playing my video games for a very long time even until midnight. That just about as much as what happened on that day and that’s what I wanted to write about what one thing I liked over the Christmas.
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You are having some issues with punctuation and sentence structure. However, your story was strong and even entertaining in parts.
ReplyDeleteAudience and purpose: 3
format: missing heading 3
total 40/50 80%
There are some issues with word choice and spelling, along with punctuation. I liked reading your narrative though. I understand little brothers and opening presets. They can get pretty excited. It was a good story.
ReplyDeleteGood job knowing the order in which things happened. However sometimes you have punctuation problems. Also, I felt the explanations of things like the ihome and the wii were unnecessary to your story. It was a good story.
ReplyDeleteSo, first of all, great essay. I really liked your descriptions, and explanations of what everything was. There was a little bit of grammatical errors and some things didn't sound right. The only thing I really suggest is ready aloud more often. Other than that great job!
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